It's been forever since I last post my blog... Been seriously busy these days... Am getting on with life, sometimes uncertain of what i want in the future... Weird isn't it... Guess I didn't give it too much thought... Well attachment's been great... Seen stuff I've never seen before and learn many new things... Really an honour to be in the course i'm in right now... It's what I want in life and I'm sure I'll strive hard for it... I felt pathetically emotional this days... With the way he's treating me... For him ignorance seems bliss... He doesn't even realize what he's done... He could be heartless at times... Then now claimed that he cared for me... Would a guy remain silent all day if he cared for a girl? Would a guy make excuses not to see the girl if he cared for the girl? He seemed to be doing all he can to drive me crazy... Seriously mann I've been crying ALOT these days... It's pretty insane to have a million wild thoughts running through my mind... Like for example he'll say that he's busy when i asked to meet... Wondering he's just NS and what keep him busy mann? He does have time for friends but to meet him is like meeting a president... I dunno if I can hold on any longer... My heart felt like it's been stabbed already with the way he treats me... He doesn't seem to behave such manner previously :( We meet each other like twice or thrice per week but now, it's impossible to meet him that often... Haiz He's just far alr... It felt like everything's a faccade... 3/4 of a day he'll be sleeping... Which I dunno how true is that... Sometimes the way he text is like he's being forced to text... Or even lazy to text... I felt like I'm desperate towards him... Which makes me hate myself even more with the way i'm behaving towards him... Just like I'm not myself... Where's the love? Wondering what kind of love keeps breaking a heart... Yeah u've apologised a million times but ur still the same... No matter what, ur still gonna make me cry... Bet any other gurl would have simply ignored you or just leave you... As for myself, I've been dying to let go of you... But now doesn't seem the right time... I'll ry to embrace myself... When the time comes, hopefully i've got the strength and courage to let him go... My instincts did tell me that you've got another girl... That's why you're busy o.O It's just like not being able to see you means that you've got something up on your sleeve... Seriously guess it's time to show the other side of you... If he could do such thing, i'll show my other side... I'm sick and tired of being too nice... Sick and tired of all the pain... Sick and tired of crying... Bet i'm an idiot who fall in love with the sheep... Other girlfriends of mine told me to just let him go... That seemes to be the easiest option out but the more i think of it, i felt like a coward... Felt like i couldn't do it... Coz he's been in my mind all the time and deep down i believe that he's different from those typical guys out there... Way different coz he's pretty religious... Well, he did make me happy those days when we're in love with each other... He could be irritating but he knows when to stop... He staggers alot which made me wanna laugh sometimes but that's what makes him more adorable than ever... Then he might say words he doesn't mean to and finds that it's a joke... He'll make a joke with a serious face... He could be slow sometimes which is the main reason teasing him is fun... He doesn't know how to sweet talk that much and he prefers the girl to say those words first... He does have a shy side... Yet when he talk, he could talk non stop even though it makes no sense... He simply loves to disturb me... He'll get jealous over little things and is pretty sensitive sometimes... This side which i've just discovered recently... Though he doesn't say it, his body language tells it all... Which is why I try my best to hide something which he'll feel inferior and we'll start quarelling over little things... Like recently I've been close with one of my guy friends... The look on his face made me smile each time i see him... Then she told me that we're compatible and should get together... Surprisingly, he's okayy with it and as for me i object... Then she laugh... True enough i felt happy with his presence but there's no spark at all between us and he's just like a younger bro to me... It's unbelievable that he said those magic words before we bid farewell to each other... Then he did tell me to msg him if there's anything... I'm like hmmmm he never said such thing before o.O well, why should i take it to heart he could be joking coz he's a happy go lucky person... He's kinda senget though... yet I'm open about that and am glad that we could click with each other... We watched movie on his phone... Then I'll find him randomly trying to take my picture using his phone camera... Then I read his texts he send to his matair n he'll try to read mine... Kpo betul... Anyway, his presence did make me happy... I'm glad i was his partner during this attachment... Of course I've been keeping all this from him coz I really took care of his feelings despite him trampling all over my heart... Sometimes the love is just too strong ehhh and it's god who seems to make this our desiny... I felt much better now after letting all this out... Dunno who to turn to so it's best I pen down my thoughts... It's been a long post so I'd better get going... Will post again as soon as there's something to share ;) Signing Off Haneesah