"There's nothing I can do and it's driving me crazy... I'm still in love with you... No matter how hard it hurts, I'll try to find myself again... Goodbye"
Actually I'm over it already... Just that the words above are too meaningful... Recently I found 2 notebooks of mine which I've stashed somewhere in my room... I flipped the pages and as I read those words, I began to recall those days we had... He was the one who understands me best... When I felt down, he's been there... He's always there... I even thought he was the one... Still remembered the day he called when I teared... He recognised it in my voice... He knew me well enough even if it's for a few months... Still remembered the time I was in his arms when I'm cold... Still remembered the times he wiped my tears away... Still remembered the time he promised he'll wait for me... Still remembered the time he's the reason i did well for school...
He's been my strength when I'm weak... He's been my motivator... He's been an angel, not allowing me to do silly things or playing in the rain for fear if i fell sick... He's been a joker; always making my day... He's been the source of my happiness... Even my late great grandma was smiling all along while we chat on the phone... Ain't sure if there's anyone out there who could replace him... Only to know that there's a devil in the end... It's been 2 years plus but this feelings... I ain't sure myself.... Like the words above, it's driving me crazy... He happens to be a fairytale... True what they say, it takes a second to fall in love with someone but it takes forever to forget a person =/ Haiz... Whatever it is... I really appreciate you being part of my life... There's so much similarity between us... Though the happiness doesn't last, it's better to have been loved and lost than never beeen loved and lost... From him I got that genuine love... Thanks for everything...
At times, my soul was excruciated... Like these days... When taking care of grandpa... I dunno why my heart kinda lose patience in him... Like I'm turning into a bad person... Like I'm being selfish... Coz in the end, nobody knows... It hurts badly... When I wanna leave, he questioned that he'll be alone and who'll take care of him... I dunno why my heart kinda turn heartless... Like I felt like going outdoors and shout to let the whole world know that he's not the one who's alone... All this while when I'm alone does he even bother? Does he even care about the disappointment or the life that we all face? Does he even understand the kind of life we're leading? Does he even understand that I can't face him 24/7 as I've got school and other stuff like work to look into? I'll grow tired of it...
Sincerity... It's just difficult to do a good deed when your heart is not into it... To be mentally and physically prepared to do something good... Without having any expectations of the outcome... Do I have a choice to not want to adjust to this kind of life? Am I given the chance to pick the path that i want? Will i be considered selfish and stubborn if I dun listen to what they say? It's draining my energy... She can't please everyone but she's always doing something for everyone... HArdly that she ever did something for herself... Wondering if that day will ever come when freedom... Well, she'll just hang on and see how long she'll last...
K lahhh... I'm outta here... Sayonara!
