Anisa called me in the morning... I was half asleep at that time... So, no choice, I still have to ans her call... What a dread! She told me she won't be coming for art lesson... And when I asked for the reason, it was simply one word answer... "lazy" x_x Ouh well... I guess that really ruins my mood la... Thought she'd be coming but she's not... Rafiqah even told me she's not coming... Ouh well... I get ready n went to school alone...
It's so pathetic la... Only 3A2's n 3C2's students are present as 3B2's are having lessons... Not everyone was present... I was told to do the outline... I began doing the work... It was quiet... I was the only one doing... Den, fatin, peck cheng, michelle n wanyee came in... They helped me too... Den, we started painting... We had our lunch break n I was released earlier due to some reason...
Lately, I dun even have time for myself... poor thing... Usually, I always have time for myself... So, I headed towards east coast park n_n Alone... It was a long journey... But I filled my time reading the book that I brought along n sleeping x_x I was listening to some music too *winkz* Soon, I reached there...
I walked at my own pace... Looking around... Enjoying the breeze and view... I stopped to sit at this bench... I breath in the fresh air =p for a moment, I feel peaceful... I just admired the view of the beach alone... I did try to shout but it's not a loud one... There's ppl around n they may think I'm crazy...
I took pictures of the nice view over there... It was a cool breeze n I did enjoy myself... There's some emptiness in me but as I began to admire God's creation of the view, it soon slipped away...
Anywaez... I guess I am... I slit my wrist again... There's some cuts... Not that deep but it's noticeable... May seem like an idiot doing some things that I'm not supposed to do... I can't stop this bad habit... I just wanna let it all out... I know I promised not to bleed... But the pain... I can't take it anymore... So, just let myself bleed... My heart bleeds even more... I guess now... I dun have any more feelings n I'm turning into someone I dun wanna be... Someone who is so not like me...
Haiz... I dunno this feeling of mine... It's really weird... Bro, ever since dat day... You just kept quiet... I dunno what should I do... Continue to keep in touch with u... Just smsing n everything will be fine... Or just keep a distance away from you... Coz... You said that I rejected ur love... I guess when u told me ur true feelings, I was surprised, shocked n confused... It was really difficult to forget someone who came into my life... Though u did came before him, n soon to realise... It was too late... Everytime we went out... I enjoyed ur company... There's surely jokes and laughter n u never failed to brighten up my day... you make me smile and laugh... And said that it hurts to see me crying... Maybe u truly did love me sincerely... Only it was me who didn't realise it... Ouh well... You did move on... Find other gals... But ur feelings... Did it fade away? You were just running n tyring to deny ur feelings towards me... Well, even if I did rejected ur love... You were still there and is always there for me whenever I needed someone to turn to... There's no hatred in u... You're just like an angel... And u did say there's a little responsibility to protect n see me smile... Oh god! What have I done? I dunno bout my actual feelings towards him... Sometimes, I feel I did treat him as my godbro... But sometimes... It's more than that... And these days... Recently, after he told me his feelings, n den he kept quiet... Makes me feel really guilty... I dunno how much he had suffered... And then... Every second, his always in my thoughts... Just worried bout how he's doing... I wanna sms or just give him a call... But I dunno something's like stopping me to do so x_x Oh god?! Please give me ur guidance n I need answers... What should I do???????I was entertained by the music I was listening to n Rafiqah was smsing me... I looked at the time n I have to head back home... If not, for sure I'm gonna be late... I took bus home n almost all of the time, I slept in the bus... Just felt too tired... It was a long journey back to clementi... I took direct bus n when I reached clementi interchange there, I took another bus n headed back home...
Reached home and had my prayers... Had lunch/dinner n had some sleep... Dunnoy y I felt so sleepy n very tired... I woke up at 7 plus... Had my prayers n den... Get ready for my uniform... There's npcc training n passing out parade on 9th jun 07 which is tomorrow... After ironing my uniform, i put the badges... Then, put it in the dressing bag... Polished my boots after dat... My father's fren came to visit him...
Luckily, he's recovering fast! *smilez* Syukur alhamdulillah =) He dosen't need to depend on crutches anymore... All praises to God...
They went back after they are satisfied talking n here I am... Blogging...
K la... I better go now... Tomorrow fall in by 7.15am... I gotta get up early... Show good example to juniors =p hehe...
Byeez... Take care...
Signing Off,
Haneesah