I've been trying... Lately... To stay strong... Face everything with courage... Not letting anything get onto me... But... It's just difficult... To stay strong when nothing's right n everything's wrong... Tell me... What should I do? Time flies... Sometimes, it's like so slow... And I've got lots of things to do... But something's just not right n I dunno... The feeling is like... I dunno how to explain... It's really complicated...
Sitting here and writing now,
Trying to keep calm,
Knife abandoned, hope as well,
Blood dripping from both arms.
I know that you still love me,I know I love you too,But without you by my side,
There's no more that I can do.
I've done nothing but cry since you left,
Even now, as I write,
I never meant to hurt you,
But I did, Despite.
I never wanted anything,
But to be with you,
But now my heart's so broken,
I'm emotionally beyond black and blue,
I know I promised not to do it,
I promised not to bleed,
But with no other recourse, close to hand,
I had to state my need.
I've screamed for you,
Cried for you,
Bled for you,
Died for you...
Now you're gone I'll be a different girl,No mistake about that...But the one you wanted me to be?
Or who I was before?
Without you here I can't think straight,
Bleeding, Crying, Curled up on the floor,
I'm trying to stay strong,
Trying everything I can,
But everytime I speak your name,
I crumble into sand.
I don't know how long I can survive like this,
Or if I will at all,
Coz it hurts so much and now I know,
You won't be there when I fall,
I'll never forget the love we had,
The love we might still share,
I'm trying hard, I really am,
But right now I can't even stand on my own two feet,
I can't breathe without you here,
We always said we'd make it work,
But that seems to have disappeared...
I don't know if I'll ever be able
To say your name without a tear,
To say your name without a sob,
To be around you again without my heart breaking over again,
To ever let it go,
To let myself be anything,
But cold and numb inside,
I can't think about when we were together,
Without remembering that we're apart,
Can't think of any happy moment,
Without crying in the dark....
Though you'll never see me cry,
It's all that I can do,
Trapped within every ghost and memory,
Every thought of me and you......
The poem above... Is not done by me... But that's exactly how I felt... It's damn difficult to let go... Forgetting everything... I know I've changed... What can I do? People change... nothing lasts forever... Loneliness stays... Loneliness is tragical...
Oh well... I got back my tests results... POA I scored 17/25... Maths test I scored 17/30... Humanities;social studies... I scored 12/15.... n_n overall... The marks are quite good... But I know I've done lots of careless mistakes... Hopefully, I'll improve n do better for the coming tests... But then... I'm still lack of confidence... I guess I have to motivate myself... Left with no other choice x_x After CNY, there's gonna be some tests coming right up... Which is chemistry and POA... I tried... To study the chemistry notes... And powerpoint slides... But nothing went into my head...
I guess there's other things in my mind... That I can't possibly forget and focus 100% on studying... If only I could like... Stop thinking of such things x_x
Alone... I can't hold back my tears...
Alone I confront my worst fears...
I never did know you... See you... Hod you...
You didn't... and you don't exist...
yet i loved you... and i still do....
IF ONLY THINGS WEREN'T SO COMPLICATED... iF ONLY THIS BEGINNING WOULD END... IF ONLY I COULD ACHIEVE MY HAPPINESS... Oh well... I guess I have to stay positive... Just have to have that courage and confidence...
Hmm... K la... I gtg...
Signing Off,
Haneesah
